here comes the april fool

…Like this one!

And get a load of this!

What’s going on in this next image?

And check this out!

And then in this panel:

Sterling Says:

There’s a reason I used that pic for Tim.

I found this other webcomic a while back…seems a little familiar, but looked like it might be amusing.

Hey, gang! There’s a whole lot of breaking Kevin Church news, so let’s just jump right in!

• ***ITEM!*** I’m sure you’ve heard the news that Kevin Church is writing (well, they say “co-writing,” as if Kevin Church needs the help) a new series for BOOM! Studios, Cover Girl. Well, if you go to the Official Kevin Church Forum, you can see previews of both issue #1 and #2 in this message thread. It looks fantabulous!
• ***ITEM!*** Kevin Church’s mind is like a race car, always driving at full throttle, always ahead of the pack, always with a little man with a crash helmet inside. Well, that mind has created a new piece of absolute genius: LAWYERBEAR.ORG, featuring his newest character Lawyerbear, “the leader in ursine litigation and defense!” Brilliant! And Kevin Church demonstrates his charitable nature by generously allowing his much less talented friends and miscellaneous hangers-on to provide content for the site. Don’t get me wrong, their contributions are…mildly amusing, but they would be nowhere, nowhere, without the strong leadership and forward thinking of Kevin Church.
• ***ITEM!*** Kevin Church’s online comic strip The Rack is still going strong, so don’t forget to check every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for the updates! Also don’t forget to participate in our Kevin Church Fan Club poll: “Is The Rack artist Benjamin Birdie someone Kevin Church allowed to draw his comic strip, or is ‘Benjamin Birdie’ simply a pseudonym for Kevin Church himself, who humbly hides the full extent of his true artistic talent to prevent lesser beings from falling into despair at being unable to match his greatness?”
• ***ITEM!*** I wanted to officially welcome the 5,000th member of the Kevin Church Fan Club, having joined up just yesterday. M. S. Erling from downtown Canada, congratulations! Your fan club materials are winging their way through our respective post offices, even as I type this!
• ***ITEM!*** Due to the overwhelmingly positive response to my Kevin Church fan fic — “Kevin Church Vs. Spike Merling: Butter-Wrassling ’06” — I am currently in the process of composing a new epic fan fic titled “Kevin Church and Ike Terlin, Best Friends Forever, Battle the Invading Menace of the Moon Men Invasion from Mars.” It’s a real ripsnorter, and it’s got even more of what you liked from my first story! More fistfights! More aliens! More hugging! More oils and perfumes! More car chases! I can only hope you’ll find as much pleasure in it as I do!
• ***ITEM!*** The May 1st deadline is approaching fast for the Annual Kevin Church Look-a-like Contest! Are you lucky enough to resemble the glorious, shining visage of Kevin Church? Then bust out your Polaroid and send us the proof, babycakes! The top three placers in last year’s contest (Mick Starling, Mitch Stebbling, and Matt Lingster) are this year’s judges…maybe you can be a judge for next year’s event!
• ***ITEM!*** The new Kevin Church fan club t-shirts are just about ready to roll out, so start saving your pennies, kids, because you’re gonna want to be the first one on your block to have one of these beauties:
  
  There’s still some tweaking to be done…well, just to our design, not to Kevin Church, who has already achieved perfection.

Okay, guys, that’s all this time! Hopefully I’ll have big news about the Kevin Church action figures and bobbleheads for the next update…but until then, as always, keep on Churchin’!

EDIT (4/2): Here’s a screenshot of the site’s April Fool’s makeover:

Just for posterity’s sake, here’s a screenshot of this site from yesterday’s April Fool’s shenanigans:

And, in case you missed it, you really need to visit the Swamp Thing Blog. I had no idea that my life was missing Swamp Thing/Abby/Blue Devil/Black Orchid/Detective Chimp golfing fan fiction until I read it for myself.

I’m a little short on time this morning, so let me at least give you a couple links full o’good reading that I totally stole from Mark Evanier: an online Treasure Chest collection, and, even better, all the “This Godless Communism” stories in sequence. Fantastic. As J. Edgar Hoover himself says in the introduction:

“The most effective way for you to fight communism is to learn all you can about it.”

You don’t want those Commies to win, do you? Then get readin’.

“Can Superman break adamantium?”

“Well can he? And I mean any incarnation of him pre-crisis, post, Kingdom Come, Prime, 1 million etc. In the Heroes of the Holocaust crossover special in 1981 Doctor Doom created a robot out an alloy almost as powerful as adamantium but he quickly tears it apart.”

“Adamentium is the stringest thing on earth, supe is not from earth, he could break it with ease”

“…I must disagree. Superman can do it in the presence of a white star. It’s said that these stars give him the most energy.”

“Superman can’t break adamantium. The periodic table is constant throughout the universe. It’s just as strong on earth as it is anywhere else. If he can’t break it here he can’t do it anywhere.”

“Thor couldn’t break Adamantium. The Hulk couldn’t break Adamantium. They are both relatively stronger than Superman. Superman can’t break Adamantium. Simple applied reasoning.”

“The Hulk and Thor are nowhere near as strong as POST crisis Supes.”

“The Hulk and Thor are both way stronger than Post-Crisis Superman. Lobo kicked Post-Crisis Superman’s ass.”

I usually wouldn’t quote this much of a post, but this next one must be read in its entirety:

“HAHAHA, mend it blend it or melt it! I wish they’d do a cross over and we can see what happens. In the last cross over, supes knocked out Thor! I threw the mag away, didn’t buy it duh! But I was pissed! Then supes picked up Thors hammer like it was chicken sh.t! Darn that sulked, only to be told it was Thors dad that allowed it and I thought ‘what a bunch of crap!’ Where do they come up with these ideas? Gosh, so much favoritism for one character! Man, I’d like to see SUpes against Wolverine just to see how they make Spes kill wolverine. Cos if he can knock the sh.t out of Thor , I’d love to see what he does to Wolverine! Healing power or not! Cos the the more severe the injury, I do believe the longer time it takes to heal! Or can he heal it in an instant? Or what if he gets multiple injuries? Supes burning his ass with those laser eyes and moving faster than lighting? Gosh I’d buy a million copies. But we’ll have to wait.”

“No he cant” — and the poster must have had additional thoughts on the topic, for in the very next post: “and no kids sups cant beat the crap out of thor”

“post ,pre, and prime cou;counldnt break pure adimantium the only thing that can is vibrium anti metal B so unless soupie is mad outta dat i dont think so biatchess”

“This will depend on the absolute hardness of adamantium (diamond is 1500), its thoughness and thermodynamic stability.”

“Like most other super-materials in comic books, adamantium is unbreakable until somebody manages to break it”

Let’s wrap up with what should be the final word on the subject:

“only wolverine himself can truly hurt adamantium for he is the owner”

Well said.

“Didio VS. Quesada : The Final Payback!”

“(Now here’s a REAL “VS.” thread fa yo’ a$$)
With disregard for continuity and money-grubbing mentality at an all-time high…
Who would you say is running their company into the ground harder & faster?”

“A year ago, I would have said Marvel. But that’s changed. There’s now a push to bring back many characters not seen in years, and some (not all) of the stories have been quite good.” […] “Then there’s DC. What can I say? They seem unable to rise above B-grade silliness and constantly revamp and reboot in an endless bid to maintain sales and stay relevant. The dead rise again en masse and totally defeat the purpose many past storylines.”

“I HATE IT WHEN ESTABLISHED CHARACTERS GET REPLACED AS A SHORT TERM MARKETING STUNT. I COULD MAKE A GREAT TEAM BOOK FROM THE HEROES THAT ARE CURRENTLY ON HIATUS: AQUAMAN, HAWKMAN, BLUE BEETLE, ATOM, HAWKEYE, VISION (ORIGINAL), AND FIRESTORM (RONNIE). WE ARE PROBABLY GOING TO LOSE SOMEONE IN THE FLASH FAMILY AS WELL.”

“You are complaining about DC reboots when Marvel has given us 4 Captain America #1s since 1996? [devil] How many X-titles have been reworked, redone, rehashed?”

“You complain about that but how many times have we had a JLA#1?!?! And how many times have the Bat and Superman titles been reworked, redone and rehashed?!?! Pot meet kettle, kettle.. this is pot!”

“At present I would say Marvel are slightly better. I’ve enjoyed IC and all its buildup, but it doesn’t look like anything will actually come out of its conclusion, atleast nothing significant”

“Id say Quesada…just because he’s a total sh-t monger…but marvel is still outselling DC(which is a lode of bull)…people are idiots, when it comes to DC now people seem to be just whinney little b-tches…god get over it.”

“It’s like you can smell the desperation in DC’s books. The desperation that comes from knowing you’re big crossover event still didn’t put you over the top, sales-wise. I hope all the death, destruction and general carnage was worth it, DC.”

“Nor Didio or Quesada are driving each other’s company to the ground . Quite the contrary actually, for better or worse the two of them have been keeping both companies neck and neck on the top spots.”

“Let’s see,Im picking up about twenty titles from DC and only one from Marvel(X-Factor)andonly because Peter David is writing it and doing a great job at it.
So in my book Mr.Didio’s DC outdoes Marvel hands down!”

“I refuse to believe that there are 20 truly good titles at DC, Marvel or anywhere else at present. Methinks you are simply a completist.”